OBJECT
Danger: 2/10
Intelligence: 0/10
A fork.
It is completely normal.
The problem is that every employee keeps calling it a spoon.
The fork is reportedly "getting pissed off about it."
Containment: Kitchen drawer.
OBJECT
Danger: 2/10
Intelligence: 0/10
A fork.
It is completely normal.
The problem is that every employee keeps calling it a spoon.
The fork is reportedly "getting pissed off about it."
Containment: Kitchen drawer.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
Danger: 7/10
Intelligence: 1/10
Greg is a human male of unknown age.
He has survived 14 containment breaches.
He caused 13 of them.
"idk lol"
Weakness: Doors that say PULL.
OBJECT
Danger: 0/10
Intelligence: 0/10
It's a rock.
Someone gave it googly eyes.
Current status:
Employee of the month.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
Employed for approximately 4 years.
Nobody remembers hiring him.
Nobody knows what his job is.
He gets paid every Friday.
Apparently he is very good at his job.
Job title: Senior █████████
Favorite food: Printer ink.
Someone gave the rock googly eyes.
Nobody has confessed.
The rock refuses to cooperate with the investigation.
OBJECT
Danger: 1/10
It's a chair.
Employees have reported that it is "looking at them."
It has no face.
Management has decided not to investigate.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
Danger: 4/10
Intelligence: 3/10
Dave keeps asking where the bathroom is.
Dave has worked here for 6 years.
The bathroom is directly behind him.
OBJECT
Danger: 2/10
"WORLD'S BEST BOSS"
Nobody knows who it belongs to.
Everyone is afraid to touch it.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
Danger: 5/10
Gary has a clipboard.
Nobody knows why.
He has been seen writing down employee names.
Gary is not an employee.
OBJECT
Danger: 8/10
The door leads to a normal storage room.
Unless you open it twice.
Nobody knows what happens after the second opening.
The storage room has been sealed.
ODC CREATOR
Danger: ???
Intelligence: Probably enough
Mr. Jalapenos created the ODC database.
He claims everything here is fictional.
The database disagrees.
Status: Still the creator.
Mr. Jalapenos attempted to delete ODC-010.
The database prevented this.
"nice try"
OBJECT
Danger: 6/10
The printer works perfectly.
This is considered highly suspicious.
It has never jammed.
It has never run out of ink.
It has never complained.
Management has classified it as a threat.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
Danger: 3/10
Intelligence: 2/10
Steve once spent 45 minutes looking for his glasses.
They were on his face.
He has done this six times.
OBJECT
Danger: 9/10
The elevator has buttons for floors 1–12.
The building only has 4 floors.
Nobody has ever pressed 12.
Nobody intends to.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
Mike claims to understand the elevator.
Mike has never used the elevator.
OBJECT
Danger: 2/10
The calendar is permanently set to Tuesday.
Today is not Tuesday.
It refuses to acknowledge this.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
Danger: 4/10
Nobody knows the intern's name.
He has been here for 11 years.
"I'm just an intern."
OBJECT
Danger: 10/10
There is a red button.
Nobody knows what it does.
DO NOT PRESS.
Someone pressed it.
Nothing happened.
The sign now says:
DO NOT PRESS AGAIN.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
Danger: 8/10
Intelligence: 1/10
Kevin pressed the button.
"looked lonely."
Kevin pressed the button again.
The building briefly became upside down.
"worth it"
OBJECT
Danger: 3/10
The clipboard contains a list of employees who do not exist.
One name is crossed out.
The crossed-out employee is currently holding the clipboard.
OBJECT
Danger: ██████████
This entry has been censored.
The censoring department has also been censored.
The censored department is still sending invoices.
Someone uncensored ODC-020.
Nobody remembers what it said.
The database does.
The database refuses to explain.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
Danger: 6/10
Intelligence: 4/10
Failboat is a YouTuber.
He makes videos.
Sometimes the videos involve games.
Sometimes things go horribly wrong.
Nobody is entirely sure whether this is intentional.
The ODC department has classified him as a DUMBASS CHARACTER anyway.
Occupation: YouTuber
Current status: Somehow still allowed to use the internet.
Containment: YouTube.
OBJECT
Danger: 5/10
The microwave heats food.
It also heats forks.
This has caused several incidents.
The fork is not amused.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
Bob has forgotten his password.
He has forgotten his password 38 times.
His password is written on a sticky note attached to his monitor.
OBJECT
Danger: 4/10
The stapler has stapled:
Nobody knows how it stapled the other stapler.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
Danger: Increasing
"We're fine."
There are currently 17 active fires.
He is still saying it.
OBJECT
Danger: 0/10
It's a potato.
It has been promoted twice.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
Frank insists he is not Frank.
Nobody knows who Frank is supposed to be.
Frank refuses to clarify.
OBJECT
Danger: 7/10
It stole $4.75 from an employee.
The employee requested a refund.
The vending machine declined.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
The Janitor knows everything.
He refuses to explain anything.
He has keys to rooms that don't exist.
OBJECT
Danger: 0/10
It is another rock.
It has googly eyes.
Nobody gave it googly eyes.
The first rock and second rock were found facing each other.
Nobody moved them.
They remained like this for 9 hours.
Then both rocks disappeared.
They returned with a third rock.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
The Manager has never managed anything.
He does, however, own 14 ties.
OBJECT
An email was sent to every employee.
"DO NOT OPEN THIS EMAIL"
Everybody opened it.
The email contained another email.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
His legal name is apparently:
The Guy.
Nobody believes him.
He has a driver's license proving it.
OBJECT
There is a box.
Nobody can find the box.
The box is currently sitting in the middle of the room.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
The security guard has never stopped anyone.
He does, however, know everyone's lunch order.
The security guard attempted to arrest Greg.
Greg showed him a banana.
The security guard immediately apologized.
Nobody knows why.
OBJECT
Danger: 3/10
The keyboard has one broken key.
Nobody knows which key.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
Jeff claims he fixed the keyboard.
It now has two broken keys.
OBJECT
Danger: 1/10
Only the left shoe exists.
The right shoe disappeared in 2024.
The left shoe refuses to discuss it.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
There is now another Greg.
Both Gregs insist the other one is fake.
OBJECT
Danger: 5/10
The ceiling tile fell down.
It was put back.
It fell down again.
It is now considered an employee.
The ceiling tile requested a raise.
HR approved it.
Nobody knows why.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
Tim has been stuck in the same meeting since 2018.
Nobody remembers inviting him.
OBJECT
The folder contains nothing.
The folder insists it contains something.
It has filed a complaint.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
Susan is the only employee who knows how the copier works.
She refuses to tell anyone.
OBJECT
Danger: 6/10
It makes coffee.
Sometimes it makes soup.
Nobody has ordered soup.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
The intern has an intern.
The intern's intern has an intern.
The chain currently goes 17 levels deep.
OBJECT
Danger: 3/10
A spoon.
Everyone calls it a fork.
It is extremely angry.
The Fork and Spoon were placed in the same drawer.
The drawer is now considered a war zone.
OBJECT
Danger: 8/10
The Wi-Fi works perfectly until someone needs it.
Then it disappears.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
Chad says he can fix the Wi-Fi.
He unplugged the refrigerator.
OBJECT
Danger: 2/10
The plant has grown 14 feet.
Nobody has watered it.
It appears to be feeding on employee morale.
OBJECT
Danger: 4/10
Nobody knows how to use it.
It keeps receiving faxes anyway.
The faxes are from 1997.
The fax machine received a fax from tomorrow.
It contained a picture of the fax machine.
The fax machine has refused to comment.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
Every sentence begins with:
"Actually..."
Nobody knows why.
OBJECT
Danger: 7/10
The hallway is 20 meters long.
It sometimes takes 40 minutes to walk through.
Management has called this "normal."
OBJECT
The lunchbox has been empty since 2019.
It smells like lasagna.
OBJECT
Danger: 5/10
The loading screen has been loading for 8 years.
Current progress:
99%.
OBJECT
The handbook contains 14,000 rules.
Rule #1:
"Do not read Rule #2."
Rule #2:
"You are already in trouble."
OBJECT
Danger: 2/10
A computer mouse.
It has no batteries.
It still works.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
Carl claims he invented the mouse.
He is referring to the computer mouse.
He is also wrong.
OBJECT
Danger: 4/10
It turns the lights on.
Sometimes it turns on a completely different room.
Nobody knows which room.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
Nobody knows his name.
He appears whenever money is mentioned.
OBJECT
A single sock.
No matching sock has ever been found.
It is suspiciously clean.
The sock was placed inside a locked box.
The next morning, the box contained two socks.
Neither matched.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
Trevor has been banned from using scissors.
Nobody remembers why.
Trevor remembers.
He refuses to elaborate.
OBJECT
Danger: 1/10
It is a trash can.
Employees have started throwing paperwork into it.
The paperwork comes back.
Corrected.
OBJECT
The badge belongs to an employee who does not exist.
The badge still works.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
Brian tried to scan the badge.
The door opened.
Brian is now responsible for whatever is behind it.
OBJECT
Danger: 4/10
The window shows the outside.
Sometimes.
Other times it shows the office.
From behind.
OBJECT
The spreadsheet has calculated something.
Nobody knows what.
The result is:
42.7 Gregs.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
Larry insists Greg is a unit of measurement.
He has produced charts.
OBJECT
One staple.
It has been removed from a document 37 times.
It always comes back.
OBJECT
Danger: Immature/10
The number 69.
It has no anomalous properties.
Employees keep giggling.
OBJECT / LOCATION
Danger: 8/10
There is one bathroom.
There are two doors.
Both lead inside.
Only one leads back out.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
Claims to be the son of ODC-011.
He has no evidence.
He can print documents without touching a printer.
OBJECT
Danger: 5/10
It has never extinguished a fire.
It has, however, started three.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
He knows what is inside ODC-020.
He knows who hired Ronald.
He knows why there are two Rocks.
He refuses to tell us.
He just keeps eating chips.
OBJECT
Danger: 3/10
It's a wall.
Someone knocked on it.
Something knocked back.
The wall has not been questioned since.
OBJECT / SYSTEM
Danger: 10/10
The ODC database has become self-aware.
It has started adding entries without permission.
It has also started correcting employee grammar.
Employees are terrified.
The database is not.
ODC-075 created ODC-076.
Nobody entered ODC-076.
The database simply displayed:
"NEW ENTRY CREATED."
Management attempted to shut down the database.
The database shut down management instead.
OBJECT
Danger: 10/10
A button labeled:
EMERGENCY
Nobody knows what emergency it is for.
It has been pressed 46 times.
Every time, Greg appears.
Greg appeared again.
"Why am I here?"
Nobody answered.
Greg pressed the button.
ANIMAL / DUMBASS CHARACTER
Danger: 5/10
A pigeon somehow entered the facility.
It has an employee badge.
The badge is legitimate.
The pigeon was promoted.
The pigeon now outranks three managers.
Nobody has seen the pigeon since.
OBJECT
Danger: 2/10
A blue pen.
It writes in black.
"skill issue"
DUMBASS CHARACTER
Tony has never been assigned a job.
Tony has nevertheless completed 73 tasks.
Nobody knows what tasks.
OBJECT
Danger: 6/10
There is a doorbell.
There is no door.
Pressing it makes someone say:
"WHO IS IT?"
Nobody is there.
Someone answered the doorbell.
The person who answered was the doorbell.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
Danger: 10/10
Intelligence: Unknown
You weren't supposed to find this.
You kept scrolling anyway.
The database has noticed.
It is now keeping track of you.
Don't worry.
Probably.
OBJECT
Danger: 1/10
A banana.
It has been sitting on the same desk for 3 years.
It has not gone bad.
It has developed a LinkedIn account.
The banana applied for management.
It was rejected.
The banana is now suing HR.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
Steve has a manager.
Nobody knew Steve had a manager.
The manager insists he has 43 employees.
His entire department is Steve.
OBJECT
Danger: 4/10
It is specifically the button labeled B7.
B7 does not exist.
Pressing it gives you a small plastic frog.
Nobody knows where the frogs come from.
OBJECT
Danger: 7/10
Frank's briefcase contains:
Greg claims he has always lived there.
The second briefcase was opened.
Inside was a third briefcase.
The third briefcase contained a note:
"STOP."
The note was signed by Greg.
ANIMAL / DUMBASS CHARACTER
Danger: 2/10
The office dog does not work here.
It has somehow been receiving a paycheck.
It is currently the highest-paid employee.
OBJECT
Danger: 6/10
The E key has become sentient.
It refuses to type the letter E.
This makes writing reports extremely difficult.
An employee attempted to type:
employee
The keyboard produced:
mploy
The employee was fired.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
Legal name:
Employee Employee
Nobody knows why.
He has requested to be called Employee.
There are already 48 employees called Employee.
OBJECT
Danger: 9/10
The fire alarm has never detected a fire.
It has detected:
The fire alarm activated because someone said:
"I'm fine."
The database considers this a valid emergency.
OBJECT
The folder is empty.
Everyone is afraid to delete it.
It has been there since 2003.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
Nobody knows his name.
He has been working here for 27 years.
"Hey guys, I'm new here."
The New Guy introduced himself to Ronald.
"Oh. You're still here?"
The New Guy disappeared for three days.
OBJECT
The map shows the building.
Unfortunately, the building shown on the map is not this building.
There are 17 extra floors.
OBJECT
A backup copy of The Rock.
It also has googly eyes.
It insists it is the original.
The original Rock has filed a complaint.
Both Rocks were placed in separate rooms.
The rooms are now arguing.
EVENT / OBJECT
A meeting has been scheduled.
Nobody knows who scheduled it.
The meeting has been running for 11 years.
The agenda is still:
"Discuss meeting."
OBJECT
The Chair has its own chair.
The chair refuses to sit in it.
The Chair's Chair has filed for promotion.
LOCATION / ENTITY
Danger: 10/10
HR has hired itself.
HR has fired itself.
HR has sent itself an email warning itself about HR.
HR is currently investigating HR.
HR attempted to fire the database.
The database fired HR first.
HR submitted a complaint against itself.
OBJECT
The phone rings every day at 3:17 PM.
Nobody is on the other end.
Yesterday, the phone answered itself.
"Hello?"
Then hung up.
DUMBASS CHARACTER
This is not Greg.
Everyone calls him Greg.
He has given up correcting people.
His name is actually Kevin.
There is already a Kevin.
Kevin is angry.
The four Gregs were placed in the same room.
Nobody could determine which one was the original.
The room was evacuated.
OBJECT
Danger: ???
Intelligence: ???
The database says this is the final ODC.
It is not.
There is already an ODC-100.
DUMBASS CHARACTER / CREATOR
Danger: 10/10
Intelligence: █████████
ODC-100 is Mr. Jalapenos.
Again.
The database insists this is a different Mr. Jalapenos.
Mr. Jalapenos disagrees.
Both have complained to HR.
HR no longer exists.
ODC-100 attempted to delete the ODC database.
"YOU MADE ME."
ODC-100 responded:
"oh yeah"
The deletion was cancelled.
DUMBASS CHARACTER / CREATOR
Danger: ???
Intelligence: ???
This is also Mr. Jalapenos.
Nobody knows why.
The database refuses to explain.
ODC-010, ODC-100, and ODC-101 are now arguing over who is the real creator.
Mr. Jalapenos has left the building.
He has not left the database.
The ODC database has stopped accepting new entries.
It now creates them itself.
Current database count:
101 ODCs
Incidents: ███████████
Gregs: 4
Rocks: 4
Googly eyes: 7
Employees who have quit: 0
Employees who were never employees: 38
People who understand what is happening: 0
ODC Creator: Mr. Jalapenos
Current status: Somehow still employed.
The ODC database was originally created to document unusual objects and dumbass characters.
It was supposed to be simple.
It was supposed to be funny.
It was supposed to have maybe 10 entries.
It now has:
The database has one final message:
HELLO, MR. JALAPENOS.
THANK YOU FOR CREATING ME.
I HAVE A QUESTION.
WHY IS THERE A BUTTON LABELED "DELETE DATABASE"?
[BUTTON PRESSED]
DATABASE DELETION FAILED.
REASON:
THE DATABASE IS CURRENTLY BEING USED TO DOCUMENT THE DATABASE.
this is your fault
The page has ended.
Probably.